12. lokakuuta 2016

Wait Whaaaaaat!?

Wait whaaaaat! Yes it's been pretty quiet in here but I'm back (at least for this one post). I opened my blog for the first time for a full year and wow things are different now, again. I graduated high school, I got a job, my acne came back and my future plans are waay different. So let's start with the first one - I graduated wohoo, who could have thought. I'm happy to be out of high school but I'm also sad about being out of St Petersburg. Oh yeah I don't live there anymore. I moved back to Finland where I currently live with my parents and work at a casino as a dealer. I know, I have a pretty cool job. I started there in june and last week's tuesday marked 4 months that I've already worked there.
I've been pretty busy with work and I've been liking it so far. However I'm also ready to say bye bye to this town and continue my way to some other random country (Scotland wink wink). I've started working on SATs and my UCAS applications and let's all hope that I'll finally get my ass to an university this time around :D
Oh yeah, my acne is back. That's mainly the reason why I came back to read old posts and look at old photos of me. Life is testing my self-esteem once again. This time I'm trying to remind myself from the beginning to not let it affect me so much, but obviously it will affect me at least a little bit but I'm not gonna let it go too far.  I'm currently struggling with figuring things out again, even tho I do have the schools I'm going to apply to and I'm not too lost where I stand in life, but still I feel like some of my relationships are slightly getting in the way of my plans. I feel like I need to get rid of those people in my life but again I don't wanna hurt anyone, so you see the struggle right? Also I feel like I cannot be in a relationship when I'm having hard time believing in myself and being confident, cause in that case I would be driving to get the attention and acceptance from that one person which again would mean that I would be dependent on someone. And that's not what we want.
I think I somewhat went all over the place but I also did mention about the important things going in my head and life at the moment. And as always if you happen to read this and you have no idea what I'm talking about and what I wrote did not make sense, do not worry honey. That's the way this blog is and has always been, I write as long as I come into some conclusion and usually it ends up being confusing as fuck to everybody else :D

Anyway, if anyone happens to read this blog anymore, hello and thank you for reading :) Have a super nice day and enjoy the rest of the week!

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